How to Teach Your Teen to Drive: The Benefits of Asking Questions Instead of Giving Instructions
Updated: Sep 30
Why do I stress the importance of asking questions to help teens learn how to drive? Shouldn’t we, the parents, be able just to tell them what to do, and they do it?
Well, I probably don’t have to tell you that teens aren’t always so inclined to do as they are told.
But there’s another reason questions can be so valuable: they encourage teens to think rather than simply react to instructions.
When you’re teaching a teen to drive, asking the right questions can help them learn to observe the road, evaluate risk, and decide what action to take - skills they eventually need to perform independently, without a parent sitting beside them.
Why Asking Questions Helps Teens Learn to Drive
The use of questions to help students learn goes back as far as the philosopher Socrates, who developed the Socratic Questioning technique. He would ask questions to draw out the answers from his students, challenging the completeness and accuracy of their thinking.(1)
This process of asking verbal questions, “can motivate students to pay attention and learn, develop students' thinking skills, stimulate students to inquire and investigate on their own, synthesize information and experiences, create a context for exploring ideas, and enhance students' cumulative knowledge base.” (2)
In more than 20 years of coaching teen drivers, I can say this is absolutely true when it comes to teens learning to drive. I’ve witnessed how asking questions helps teens learn to identify what is happening around them instead of simply waiting for an adult to tell them what to do.
How to Use Questions to Teach Your New Teen Driver
When I’m coaching a teen how to drive, rather than just giving them facts about the rules of the road, I will ask questions. For example, one of the common questions I’ll use is, “What are the signs telling you?” This question directs the student driver to look for the signs, process the information on them, and then respond accordingly.
Another example would be asking the teen driver, “How fast are you going?” rather than simply telling them, “You’re driving too fast.”
One of my favorite questions to ask is “What is the color of the car behind you?” This one will let you as the coach know if the teen has been checking their rearview mirror. If they have to look at the mirror before answering, then you know they haven’t been checking their mirrors.
Questions to ask your teen while they’re driving
When you’re in the car with your teen, try replacing some of those automatic instructions with questions that get them thinking about what they see, what’s happening around them, and what they should do next.
Here are some questions you can use while in the car with your teen:
What are the signs telling you?
How fast are you going?
What is the speed limit here?
What do you see happening ahead?
What’s the color of the car behind you?
Where could a hazard come from?
How much space do you have between you and that vehicle?
What do you think that driver might do next?
Who has the right of way at this intersection?
When Not to Use Questions While Coaching Your Teen Driver
There are times when your teen needs a clear instruction, not a question. If there is an immediate safety concern, give directions clearly, firmly, and calmly rather than waiting for your teen to recognize the danger and respond.
Once the immediate danger has passed and you are safely pulled over, you can return to coaching mode. Ask questions about what happened, what your teen noticed, and what they could do differently next time. This helps turn a stressful moment into a learning opportunity.
Above all, try to remain as calm as possible. Raising your voice or increasing the stress level can make it harder for a new driver to think clearly and respond appropriately.
Ultimately, the goal isn’t just to help your teen make the right decision while you’re sitting beside them. It’s to help them learn how to observe, think, and make safe driving decisions on their own. Asking thoughtful questions can help them build those skills one drive at a time.
Support for Parents Teaching Their Teens How to Drive
Teaching your teen how to drive is one of the most stressful parenting experiences. If you’re struggling with it, just know that you are not alone!
If you’re looking for more guidance on how to help your teen become a safe, responsible driver, you can check out these additional resources from Safe Driving Coach:
Download A FREE copy of the Safe Driving Coach: Parents Guide, 5 Solutions to Common Teen Driving Mistakes.
Sign up for the Parent’s Guide to Teen Driving - our step-by-step video resource designed to help parents confidently coach their teens to be safe, defensive, and capable drivers through short, practical videos (most are just 30 seconds to 3 minutes long)
Visit our Blog Page for more teen driving safety blog posts
2. Kenneth E. Vogler, Asking Good Questions, 2008. http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/summer08/vol65/num09/Asking-Good-Questions.aspx
